Yoga Your Way

Today is International Yoga Day. I was fascinated yesterday, to read an article by Gina Woodhill on issues in the yoga industry in Australia. I would not be surprised if similar issues applied in other western countries. I agree with and am similarly concerned with the issues. I do not go to yoga classes. I have had several experiences with yoga teachers who show the arrogance she spoke of, and I have not felt such classes met the intent of yoga practice. But I do practice yoga.

I practice yoga at home, or in my office. Most recently, I practiced on my friend’s balcony in beautiful Brisbane. I don’t own a yoga mat, yoga pants or have a favourite yoga studio. I can’t afford to take a class and prefer the independence of solitary practice. In the cold Canberra winter, I like to practice when my body is warm after the shower. When I’m at home, I may lay a blanket on the floor. I like to practice in my pyjamas.

Pyjamas, balcony, yoga (the mat belonged to my friend)

Pyjamas, balcony, yoga (I borrowed the mat from my friend)

I started practicing because I wanted to move my body in healthy ways. I have a chronic health condition, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. I am fatigued by auditory overload, cognitive overload and physical activity. When I fatigue, my neurological function deteriorates to the extreme; I have trouble walking, talking and even thinking. When I fatigue like that, it is very undignified. My body sort of collapses in on itself, and when I am extremely bad, tears may fall from my eyes and my nose may run. It is easy to hate my body for what it cannot do, and what it does do.

I practice yoga to learn to love my body, to be mindful of what it can do, and to appreciate it. It makes me feel good. It is good for my mental health, and for my physical health.

I do a simple Sun Salutations routine, from an app on my mobile phone. The app is from yoga.com, the routine is labelled as wellness for beginners. Doing yoga has helped with my balance and my strength. I am sure it has contributed to my reduced reliance on my walking stick. It also improves my posture, which is important after the indignity and physicality of collapsing in on myself.

Since getting sick, I’ve needed to learn to seriously listen to what my body tells me. I have needed to learn to identify triggers, to know when to stop an activity, and learn to recognise the onset of an episode or deterioration. My understanding of good yoga practice is that it is deeply tied to this notion of mindfulness; one of the key benefits I gain from my practice.

I had always been concerned about protecting my back from an old thoracic spine injury. But practicing yoga in this way also helps me manage my back; preventing flare ups and pain management.

I don’t think yoga is just for svelte women in lycra pants in classy studios. I think yoga is for everyone. This International Yoga Day, I hope more people can identify the ways in which yoga might be accessible for them and improve their wellbeing the way it has improved mine.

#thisgirlcan

A friend of mine recently posted this youtube clip.

I jiggle therefore I am.

Feeling like a fox,

I kick balls,

Deal with it.

Damn right I look hot.

 

I was stoked. He does such great work (for his take on ethical fashion check out ishivest). He’s a great guy, working on community engagement and participatory democracy in Chicago. He’s also pretty good looking. It made me happy that someone of such calibre was posting a clip about women’s body image. It’s not just any clip mind you; it’s great.

This Girl Can is a women’s health campaign from the UK and I can’t think of a healthier message. It taps into one of the issues described in Emma Watson’s He for She speech at the UN: women and girls opting out of sport because they don’t want to look muscly, are embarrassed about sweat, or the other things that go with being active. But it’s not just that. It’s not about being thin, being good, or winning. It’s about moving and relishing what that does to your body.

I’ve never really felt the fear of sweat or muscle that I hear those women talk about. I’ve never been thin, but I’ve always liked working up a sweat. I jiggle. I sweat. When I’m rocking on the dance floor I feel like a fox. I love to kick a soccer ball; I do it with attitude, even if I’m not very good at it. I enjoy it. Damn right I look hot, I am hot; that’s kind of the point isn’t it, to get the heart pumping?

I’ve never been sporty, but I’ve been a relatively active person most of my life. I loved swimming from an early age: it was my thing, the sport I did as a kid. I didn’t learn to ride a bike till late in primary school, but when I bought my own, I loved to ride it to school. I was a Girl Guide and loved to hike. I loved orienteering. I joined the Army, and served for many years. I used to love running. I tried combatting my fear of heights by taking up rock climbing in the Grampians. I travelled to Africa and climbed a live volcanothat was hard work.

I climbed an active volcano and camped the night on the rim of the crater.

I climbed an active volcano and camped the night on the rim of the crater.

But what I really love about the This Girl Can video is the diversity of subjects. There are women of colour, women with disabilities, skinny women, bigger women, young women, old women. The campaign isn’t about a goal, or a competition, it’s just about moving what you have as best you can. For me, that’s a very empowering message.

A couple of years ago, I had a minor surgery and got a major infection which left me with a chronic, disabling illness. Now, I get auditory overload. I get cognitive fatigue, and physical fatigue. When I fatigue, I have trouble walking, talking and even thinking.

I can’t be around loud noises. So there’s no more dancing in clubs for me. Oh how I miss dancing. I can’t be in a place where lots of people are talking at once, so even backyard parties are a problem. Soccer is out of the question. If I go swimming, I need to be careful that I have enough energy left to climb the three flights of stairs to my apartment. I live alone so I need to leave myself enough energy to be safe and self sufficient. Yes, sex is a problem.

It’s been hard not to resent my body; not to be angry at being trapped in such an unhelpful place. It’s scary. It’s disempowering. It’s upsetting. It’s frustrating.

Sometimes people say, ‘you should keep positive.’ But as our beloved Stella Young used to say “no amount of smiling at a flight of stairs has ever made it turn into a ramp.”

 

Part of maintaining my quality of life and good mental health is re-imagining a positive future for myself, within the confines of my current condition. It’s not healthy to go on falsely expecting everything to go back to the way it was before, if it won’t. No amount of smiling at the Hip Hop club will make me able to go in and dance the night away; or even have one dance without collapsing in the corner, a spastic bundle unable to control my limbs. So I am on a journey; learning to love my body for what this girl, and this body, can do.

There are a whole range of bonus This Girl Can clips. There’s one about a busy mum, one about losing inhibitions. But I really like the one called Grace Vs Pace. Grace rides a bike. She doesn’t wear lycra and she doesn’t go fast, but she goes and I think that’s great.

 

These days, I’m managing my health well enough that I can ride my bike from home to my office at uni. I ride my bike, and I do yoga.  I can’t afford lessons or anything; I have an app on my phone. I just have a little town bike, with three gears. I dawdle my way down the bike path, letting the men in lycra zoom past me. I love it. I love the physical act of cycling, I love the quiet bike path, I love that I’m doing something active, and I love that I don’t need to take the bus. When I get to uni, I open my window onto the oak filled courtyard and do a simple yoga routine. It calms me, it gives me the time to be mindful of my body, and to work it gently, kindly, beneficially.

There is no inspiration porn here, but someone trying to figure out what #thisgirlcan and I love that I’m able to do something good for, and with, my body.