My year without Coles and Woolworths

I don’t much go into New Year’s resolutions, but this time last year a friend of mine suggested I resolve to not spend a single dollar at Coles or Woolworths for the entire year. Given my view of these two monolithic stores, and my food ethics, it was a challenge I wanted to accept. The year is almost done and I’m now taking the time to reflect on how I achieved the challenge.

The greenhouse emissions of the transport system that takes fresh food and other grocery items from their country or place of origin, to a wholesale market, to a warehouse, trucked to a grocery store, and sometimes onto a second or third store are huge. Products criss-cross the country, and sometimes the world. If you try buying a locally grown mango in Darwin, and it will have been shipped to the wholesale market in Brisbane, before being trucked all the way back to Darwin for retail sale. Then there’s the food miles of importing foods like garlic (commonly imported from China), lemons (often from the USA) or asparagus (from Peru) into that system for them to be bought to you in the off season. On top of that, there’s the hydroflurocarbons (HFCs) and hydrochloroflurocarbons (HCFCs) used in the refrigeration of all that food throughout its journey. Many of these chemicals are potent greenhouse gases. HCFCs also deplete the ozone layer. HCFC-22 is the most common refrigerant in Australia. 

I also have social concerns with both businesses. Farmers have been complaining about unfair prices for produce, and unreasonable contract requirements for years. The $2 milk wars were a very visual example of some of these practices, but similar complaints have been made by vegetable producers including those producing potatoes and onions. Indeed, in 2013, the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission undertook an investigation of the major supermarkets. They began with over 160,000 complaints, took a deeper look at over 3,000 of those and commenced about 550 individual investigations. Around 140 of these progressed to in-depth investigations, resulting in more than 30 court proceedings, over 30 court enforceable undertakings, and the payment of numerous infringement notices. Most recently, the watchdog launched major legal action against Woolworths for unconscionable conduct toward suppliers. In November and December last year, it is alleged that Woolworths developed a strategy to demand payments totalling $18.1 million from its suppliers simply to increase the supermarket’s profit margin.

Woolworths is also the largest owner and operator of high loss poker machines in the country. The majority of these machines are located in low-socio-economic neighbourhoods. Responding to recent government calls to reduce harm of poker machines, Woolworths took the opposite approach, facilitating and exacerbating the behaviour of addicts.

Fresh food

Before the challenge began, I already bought the majority of my fresh food from my local farmers market. This resolution meant that I needed to better plan my food needs, so I didn’t need to dash to the shop for just that one thing to make dinner complete. The market is a cash only (pretty much) zone, so I go with my $50 and get all my fresh food for the week. I can also get locally grown dried chickpeas, rain fed rice and rice flour and olive oil. I know the name of the person who produced every item in my market bag each week and that’s a great feeling. It is the polar opposite of the Woolworths/Coles shopping experience. I buy locally produced, gold medal winning, free range eggs; heritage beef; biodynamic lamb straight from the farmer; delicious free range poultry; high quality cheeses; locally produced and bottled Jersey milk from a family business; seafood from people who own the boat, catch the fish, and bring it to market for me to buy. I buy the freshest, tastiest vegetables from organic and ‘conventional’ farms within 200 kilometres of my home.

I recognise how lucky I am to have such a good quality farmers market so close, on such a regular basis. I firmly believe that weekly farmers markets are the way to change people’s shopping behaviour, with this regularity there is a viable shopping alternative that can be relatively easily incorporated into a routine. A fortnightly market may be OK, but a monthly market will only lead to specialty and luxury items that people might buy for a treat. A monthly market does not provide a serious alternative for daily food items. I urge market organisers, and communities considering the beginning of a farmers market to plan for a weekly market, containing as much locally produced food as shoppers would reasonably consume within the seasons.

I would highly recommend upcoming markets look for inspiration from the Capital Region Farmers Market. They take great effort to get good variety of produce so that it is possible for shoppers to buy all their food there each week. This does not mean that everything on offer at the supermarket is available at the farmers market, but with due consideration of seasonality and what actually grows in the region, you can easily buy food for a balanced, healthy diet.

In spring and summer I also do a lot of foraging for wild greens, edible weeds and a variety of fruits that I eat fresh and preserve. There’s not much better than walking downstairs to the nature strip to pick some purslane, wild brassica or sheep sorrel to go in your salad. It’s far tastier than shop bought greens, packed with nutrition, and doesn’t cost a cent. It’s also a wonderful excuse to get into nature and relax outside. It’s certainly a superior experience than a peak hour visit to the supermarket.

Dry goods

I buy my flour, nuts and dried beans from my local food co-op. The prices are very reasonable, the range is quite extensive and there are a lot of organic options. The co-op is on my bike ride from home to my office. I take my clear cubes and reusable tins into the store and weigh the containers before filling them up. If you volunteer your time once a month, you get a reasonable discount on your shopping items. They have a good supply of other local fresh produce including fruit and veg, vegan cheeses, tofu and fermented foods. They also have bulk liquids like honey, vinegars, and molasses that you can pour into your own reusable jars and bottles.

My pantry

A photo posted by Susan (@susansumptuousuppers) on

Household products and toiletries

I buy most of my cleaning products, soaps, shampoo, toothpaste and such from my local IGA. I am happy to buy items from them because the store is walking distance from my apartment, the service is friendly and personal, and I prefer to support independent and family owned/operated business. IGA stores are always stocked with items that are reflective of the locals and the owners, providing a community feel that I prefer to the nationwide grocery chains. While IGA still has some power of collective purchasing, stores have more flexibility to buy from local suppliers and don’t have the same power to force unreasonable expectations on suppliers.

I buy my household cleaning products, including soap powder, dish detergent and shower cleaner from IGA. Although, I have just started replacing my shower cleaner with a natural vinegar solution. I often use bi-carbonate of soda for cleaning items such as the stove top, but I buy that from IGA too.

I buy all my laundry products from IGA. I use Aware soap powder to wash my clothes, it comes in a recycled cardboard box, is good to use in a front loader, and is free of the optical brighteners that fade coloured fabrics over time. I have however, discovered that my local food co-op sells bulk laundry detergent, which I may start to use instead of the boxes I buy at IGA. I buy a eucalyptus based wool wash by Earth Choice and the very occasional block of Sard soap for hand washing stubborn stains and grime out of whites.

Shampoo and conditioner were the hardest items for me. I like to buy in large containers, to minimise the packaging I’m responsible for. I like to use a silicon and paraben free shampoo. My IGA doesn’t stock the ‘natural’ version of the brand I like to use. In Canberra, we are lucky have a third supermarket chain, Supabarn. Supabarn does stock my Tresemme shampoo, but the stores are entirely out of my way. This has led me to consider changing brands, to a more ‘natural’ gentler shampoo that is available at my local chemist. The bottles are not available in as large a size as my Tresemme products, but they are organic, made in Australia and smell great.

I buy my shower soap from the farmers market. I love that the market rules only allow food and fresh produce stalls, but several of the olive producers have been allowed to sell olive oil soap alongside their other products. I buy a bar of olive oil soap produced by Homeleigh Grove just on the outskirts of Canberra. It has minimal packaging, is lovely and gently on the skin, and I personally like the people who produce it. I also buy the mini soap bars to put on the towel of my AirBnB guests, as a personal little, local touch.

I recently watched a great little video about how much change you can bring to the world by changing your own behaviour. It makes such a difference. Not only are you reducing your negative impact on the world, by choosing a better way, buying into better, more ethical and sustainable systems, you are making a constructive difference. You are modelling that positive behaviour to your friends and community, and supporting others who are working and living in similarly positive systems.

Will you give it a go this coming new year? Can you do a year without Coles and Woolworths? I would not be surprised if you find it as enjoyable as I did.

If you’d like to read more about the food portion of this shopping challenge, you can head over to my food blog: Susan’s Sumptuous Suppers.

Citizenship revoked

A few months ago, the Abbott government developed several proposals to strip Australian dual nationals of their citizenship should they join Daesh in the Middle East. They released a discussion paper which stated that “citizenship is a contract by which we all abide.” The paper talks about citizenship as a privilege that is “fundamentally linked to an ongoing commitment to Australia and participation in Australian society.”

First of all, citizenship is neither a privilege nor a contract. Citizenship is a right. Every human being has a right to statehood. Article 15 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights provides that “everyone has the right to a nationality” and that “no one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his nationality nor denied the right to change his nationality.” Arbitrarily depriving someone of their nationality engages consideration of a legitimate objective, proportionality and due process. Each of these three considerations is questionable in this context.

It surprised me that this whole discussion began on the 800th anniversary of the signing of the Magna Carta, a document credited with the beginning of a western tradition of human rights and limitations on state power. Australia has the only copy of the Magna Carta in the southern hemisphere and it is permanently displayed in Parliament House. The most famous passage contained in this historic document can be found in Chapter 39 and states that, “no free man shall be taken or imprisoned, or dispossessed or outlawed or exiled or in any way ruined, nor will we go or send against him except by the lawful judgement of his peers or by the law of the land.”

The right to citizenship is not one that can be revoked by Ministerial decree. This matter has been tested by courts in other jurisdictions. In 1958, in the Tropp v Dulles judgement, the United State Supreme Court stated “citizenship is not a licence that expires on misbehaviour… and the deprivation of citizenship is not a weapon that the government may use to express its displeasure at a citizen’s conduct, however reprehensible that conduct may be.” In that case, the Chief Justice, joined by Justices Black, Douglas and Whittaker concluded that “citizenship is not subject to the general powers of the National Government, and therefore cannot be divested in the exercise of those powers.”

In a recent article in The Conversation, Rayner Thwaites went beyond legal questions of the government’s proposals. He asked if revoking citizenship would be an effective “means of expressing moral opprobrium about terrorism?” I would argue that revoking citizenship is not a suitable means of addressing moral contempt of terrorism.

Captured women and children were treated as

Captured women and children were treated as “spoils of war”, the UN report said.
(Photo by AFP: Ahmad Al-Rubaye)

If an Australian citizen chooses to travel to Iraq or Syria and fight with Daesh and then chooses to return to Australia, they should be charged with the relevant criminal offences and prosecuted. Such offences could include treason, genocide and war crimes. In 2013, the Commonwealth Crimes Act was amended to update the definition of treason which could now cover acts undertaken by Australians fighting with Daesh in Syria or Iraq. The United Nations has suggested that Daesh is committing genocide against the Yazidi people. Genocide has been a crime in Australia since 2002, when the government finally passed the Genocide Convention Act of 1949.

There is also a vast body of evidence to suggest Daesh are committing a range of war crimes, or grave breaches of the Geneva Conventions. A recent report by the Human Rights Council recorded the following acts which are defined as war crimes in the Rome Statue: murder, cruel or degrading treatment and torture; directing attacks against civilians or humanitarian workers; taking hostages; summary executions; rape, sexual slavery, forced prostitution or forced pregnancy. The report documented particularly egregious violations against women and girls. As a result of this report, the Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights has asked the Security Council to refer perpetrators to the International Criminal Court for further investigation and possible prosecutions.

In Australia, these acts are criminal offences under the Geneva Conventions Act 1957 (last updated in 2009) and the War Crimes Act 1945 (last updated in 2010). These two acts have been incorporated in Division 268 of the Criminal Code Act 1995. Under the principle of complementarity of the International Criminal Court, signatories to the Rome Statue have the obligation, if they are willing and able, to investigate and prosecute these crimes themselves. If such crimes have been committed by Australian citizens, we will certainly have the jurisdiction, and should show a willingness and ability to investigate and prosecute.

During the late 1980s, concern “that a significant number of persons who committed serious war crimes in Europe during World War II may have entered Australia and become Australian citizens or residents” gave rise to the establishment, in 1987, of the Special Investigations Unit. The unit investigated Nazi war crimes, and was later used in investigations of crimes in the Balkans. But there has been a “lack of political will to cover the necessary financial costs” and the unit no longer exists. When Australian soldiers were accused of unlawfully killing civilians in Afghanistan, the body of law used in their prosecution was not the Geneva Conventions, but civil law relating to duty of care.

A just response to Australians choosing to join Daesh, one that falls within the human rights framework and supports the rule of law, would be to find sufficient evidence, charge the individuals in question, and prosecute them. Justice would be much better served if the Australian Government mandated, maintained and supported the relevant institutions and units required for this task. This is particularly pertinent given Australia’s public stance against impunity for sexual and gender based violence in conflict and would certainly go some way to meeting our obligations under the suite of United Nations Security Council Resolutions on Women, Peace and Security and Australia’s National Action Plan on Women, Peace and Security 2012-2018.

Yoga Your Way

Today is International Yoga Day. I was fascinated yesterday, to read an article by Gina Woodhill on issues in the yoga industry in Australia. I would not be surprised if similar issues applied in other western countries. I agree with and am similarly concerned with the issues. I do not go to yoga classes. I have had several experiences with yoga teachers who show the arrogance she spoke of, and I have not felt such classes met the intent of yoga practice. But I do practice yoga.

I practice yoga at home, or in my office. Most recently, I practiced on my friend’s balcony in beautiful Brisbane. I don’t own a yoga mat, yoga pants or have a favourite yoga studio. I can’t afford to take a class and prefer the independence of solitary practice. In the cold Canberra winter, I like to practice when my body is warm after the shower. When I’m at home, I may lay a blanket on the floor. I like to practice in my pyjamas.

Pyjamas, balcony, yoga (the mat belonged to my friend)

Pyjamas, balcony, yoga (I borrowed the mat from my friend)

I started practicing because I wanted to move my body in healthy ways. I have a chronic health condition, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. I am fatigued by auditory overload, cognitive overload and physical activity. When I fatigue, my neurological function deteriorates to the extreme; I have trouble walking, talking and even thinking. When I fatigue like that, it is very undignified. My body sort of collapses in on itself, and when I am extremely bad, tears may fall from my eyes and my nose may run. It is easy to hate my body for what it cannot do, and what it does do.

I practice yoga to learn to love my body, to be mindful of what it can do, and to appreciate it. It makes me feel good. It is good for my mental health, and for my physical health.

I do a simple Sun Salutations routine, from an app on my mobile phone. The app is from yoga.com, the routine is labelled as wellness for beginners. Doing yoga has helped with my balance and my strength. I am sure it has contributed to my reduced reliance on my walking stick. It also improves my posture, which is important after the indignity and physicality of collapsing in on myself.

Since getting sick, I’ve needed to learn to seriously listen to what my body tells me. I have needed to learn to identify triggers, to know when to stop an activity, and learn to recognise the onset of an episode or deterioration. My understanding of good yoga practice is that it is deeply tied to this notion of mindfulness; one of the key benefits I gain from my practice.

I had always been concerned about protecting my back from an old thoracic spine injury. But practicing yoga in this way also helps me manage my back; preventing flare ups and pain management.

I don’t think yoga is just for svelte women in lycra pants in classy studios. I think yoga is for everyone. This International Yoga Day, I hope more people can identify the ways in which yoga might be accessible for them and improve their wellbeing the way it has improved mine.

Beijing +20

In 1995, people from around the world gathered in Beijing for the United Nations’ Fourth World Conference on Women. Over 17,000 delegates and 30,000 activists attended. By the end of the conference, 189 participating countries had developed the most progressive blue print for women’s rights ever. The Beijing Platform for Action remains the gold standard for implementing women’s rights around the world. It comprises commitments under 12 critical areas of concern:

A. Women and poverty
B. Education and training of women
C. Women and health
D. Violence against women
E. Women and armed conflict
F. Women and the economy
G. Women in power and decision-making
H. Institutional mechanisms for the advancement of women
I.  Human rights of women
J.  Women and the media
K. Women and the environment
L. The girl child

This year, at the United Nations’ 59th Commission on the Status of Women, we are celebrating the 20th anniversary of the Beijing Platform for Action. It was hoped that the Ministers in the General Assembly would release a Political Declaration on accelerated action on the Beijing Platform for Action, prioritising human rights and women’s empowerment, calling for irreversible progress on women’s rights by 2030. I would have liked to see references to violence against women and girls as a key issue for equality and development, and a reinforcement of the women peace and security agenda. Other important issues in the women’s movement include the protection of sexual and reproductive health rights, climate change, and indigenous rights.

Released in the opening session of the Commission on the Status of Women, the Political Declaration was none of these things. It was merely a bland statement of support for the Beijing Platform for Action. During negotiations, specific needs and issues were shut out for fear of creating an unwieldy and unhelpful list of specificities. So there is no mention of disability; intersectionality; or women, peace and security. The Holy See, Russia and Member States in the G77 including China and Iran pushed to remove all references to human rights. Only three such references remain. There has certainly been discussion among civil society of the men in frocks wanting to take away women’s control of their own bodies.

The final document did maintain a reference to the specific goal on gender equality expected from the new development framework, the Sustainable Development Goals, which will replace the soon to expire Millennium Development Goals. Some of our Pacific neighbours fought hard to maintain references to the valuable work of non-government organisations and civil society in attaining gender equality. The Political Declaration also outlined the important role of UN Women in this process, which did not exist when the Beijing Platform for Action was developed, but now has the mandate to lead and coordinate the UN system’s work on gender equality.

Many people have been disappointed by the Political Declaration, and there is much hope that the General Assembly resolution on the working methods of the Commission on the Status of Women will keep the space open for non-government organisations to participate and advocate on women’s issues. Governments and civil society both need to be proactive to ensure the voices of young women and indigenous women are heard in these fora. It all goes to show what can be done when political and social movements seize the moment, as was done in Beijing. Now, the women’s movement needs to coalesce around what we do have, the Beijing Platform for Action and continue to push for its implementation. Rather than necessarily seeking new commitments, we need to see the implementation of the existing ones.

For ongoing updates from #CSW59, follow me on Twitter @SusansOpine.

I am participating in CSW59 as a member of the delegation from the Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom, of which I am a member of the Australian Section and convenor of the ACT Branch.

I have been able to travel to New York to participate in CSW59 thanks to a grant from the Australian National University Gender Institute as well as funding from my College of Arts and Social Science.

Australia Day awards

I could not be prouder to have Rosie Batty selected as the 2015 Australian of the Year. Last year, Rosie’s son, Luke Batty was playing in the cricket nets with his father. Without warning, his father smashed Luke on the back of the head with the cricket bat. When he fell to the ground, the father attacked him with a knife. Luke died in hospital the next day. Australia has watched Rosie Batty rise from this tragedy, at the press conference after Luke’s death, she said

Family violence happens to everybody. No matter how nice your house is, how intelligent you are. It can happen to anyone, and everyone.

She has tirelessly campaigned for greater awareness, and institutional responses to domestic violence. I’m certain I am not the only one who cries when she speaks about the issues; she has a profound voice. Now she is being recognised for her herculean efforts. I haven’t been this proud of our national awardees since Patrick McGorry was awarded the honour for his work on mental health.

Ben Roberts-Smith should be proud to have chaired a committee that selected, for the first time ever, four women for the Australian of the Year awards. It’s been a tough year for the recognition of women in Australia. We’ve seen cuts in funding to domestic violence and homelessness programs.We still have fewer women in federal cabinet than there are in Afghanistan. We’ve seen policies proposed that would lead to an increase in the real cost of a university degree for women. There’s been an increase in the gender pay gap and moves to force a reduction in the gender equity reporting requirements for employers. But Ben Roberts-Smith spoke a great truth at the awards ceremony

Rosie, Jackie, Drisana and Juliette remind us of the many ways in which women contribute to our nation — that women are a force for change, a voice for rights, influencers, educators and the heart of our communities.

It brings me great hope and joy that these four women have been recognised for their contribution to Australian society; their contribution and their leadership. Jackie French was awarded Senior Australian of the Year for her services to literacy; Drisana Levitzke-Gray was awarded Young Australian of the Year for campaigning for the rights of deaf people; and Juliette Wright was awarded Australia’s Local Hero for establishing a website that facilitates community members donating quality items to those in need, especially after a disaster.

Last year, the Prime Minister made the decision to revive part of the imperial honour system, appointing dames and knights, titles traditionally awarded for service to Queen and country. The first two awardees were the outgoing and incoming Governors General. Today he made an interesting announcement; awarding one of these knighthoods to none other than the Prince Philip, the Queen’s husband. There has been a great deal of discussion about the decision. Some people have protested based on personal attributes of the Prince, others have protested because he isn’t Australian. Today I read a very valid gender analysis of the decision. But I cannot think of a more bizarre choice merely on grounds of process. Giving Prince Philip an Australian knighthood seems to me to be a bit like choosing the principle as the pupil of the week, or perhaps the principle’s husband. It just doesn’t compute.

I was however heartened to read the list of OAM recipients from Far North Queensland recognised for their service to the indigenous community. The Medal of the Order of Australia is the category we see most people who have served the community, those who are recognised for voluntary service; not military service, or public service for which they have been otherwise recompensed, but the kind of service that truly comes from the heart, and gives in the best way possible. It is for this reason I love to see who has been awarded the OAM in communities around the nation. We hear so many dire stories from indigenous communities and so rarely hear of positive achievements, so it was especially good to hear indigenous people recognised for their service the community.

#thisgirlcan

A friend of mine recently posted this youtube clip.

I jiggle therefore I am.

Feeling like a fox,

I kick balls,

Deal with it.

Damn right I look hot.

 

I was stoked. He does such great work (for his take on ethical fashion check out ishivest). He’s a great guy, working on community engagement and participatory democracy in Chicago. He’s also pretty good looking. It made me happy that someone of such calibre was posting a clip about women’s body image. It’s not just any clip mind you; it’s great.

This Girl Can is a women’s health campaign from the UK and I can’t think of a healthier message. It taps into one of the issues described in Emma Watson’s He for She speech at the UN: women and girls opting out of sport because they don’t want to look muscly, are embarrassed about sweat, or the other things that go with being active. But it’s not just that. It’s not about being thin, being good, or winning. It’s about moving and relishing what that does to your body.

I’ve never really felt the fear of sweat or muscle that I hear those women talk about. I’ve never been thin, but I’ve always liked working up a sweat. I jiggle. I sweat. When I’m rocking on the dance floor I feel like a fox. I love to kick a soccer ball; I do it with attitude, even if I’m not very good at it. I enjoy it. Damn right I look hot, I am hot; that’s kind of the point isn’t it, to get the heart pumping?

I’ve never been sporty, but I’ve been a relatively active person most of my life. I loved swimming from an early age: it was my thing, the sport I did as a kid. I didn’t learn to ride a bike till late in primary school, but when I bought my own, I loved to ride it to school. I was a Girl Guide and loved to hike. I loved orienteering. I joined the Army, and served for many years. I used to love running. I tried combatting my fear of heights by taking up rock climbing in the Grampians. I travelled to Africa and climbed a live volcanothat was hard work.

I climbed an active volcano and camped the night on the rim of the crater.

I climbed an active volcano and camped the night on the rim of the crater.

But what I really love about the This Girl Can video is the diversity of subjects. There are women of colour, women with disabilities, skinny women, bigger women, young women, old women. The campaign isn’t about a goal, or a competition, it’s just about moving what you have as best you can. For me, that’s a very empowering message.

A couple of years ago, I had a minor surgery and got a major infection which left me with a chronic, disabling illness. Now, I get auditory overload. I get cognitive fatigue, and physical fatigue. When I fatigue, I have trouble walking, talking and even thinking.

I can’t be around loud noises. So there’s no more dancing in clubs for me. Oh how I miss dancing. I can’t be in a place where lots of people are talking at once, so even backyard parties are a problem. Soccer is out of the question. If I go swimming, I need to be careful that I have enough energy left to climb the three flights of stairs to my apartment. I live alone so I need to leave myself enough energy to be safe and self sufficient. Yes, sex is a problem.

It’s been hard not to resent my body; not to be angry at being trapped in such an unhelpful place. It’s scary. It’s disempowering. It’s upsetting. It’s frustrating.

Sometimes people say, ‘you should keep positive.’ But as our beloved Stella Young used to say “no amount of smiling at a flight of stairs has ever made it turn into a ramp.”

 

Part of maintaining my quality of life and good mental health is re-imagining a positive future for myself, within the confines of my current condition. It’s not healthy to go on falsely expecting everything to go back to the way it was before, if it won’t. No amount of smiling at the Hip Hop club will make me able to go in and dance the night away; or even have one dance without collapsing in the corner, a spastic bundle unable to control my limbs. So I am on a journey; learning to love my body for what this girl, and this body, can do.

There are a whole range of bonus This Girl Can clips. There’s one about a busy mum, one about losing inhibitions. But I really like the one called Grace Vs Pace. Grace rides a bike. She doesn’t wear lycra and she doesn’t go fast, but she goes and I think that’s great.

 

These days, I’m managing my health well enough that I can ride my bike from home to my office at uni. I ride my bike, and I do yoga.  I can’t afford lessons or anything; I have an app on my phone. I just have a little town bike, with three gears. I dawdle my way down the bike path, letting the men in lycra zoom past me. I love it. I love the physical act of cycling, I love the quiet bike path, I love that I’m doing something active, and I love that I don’t need to take the bus. When I get to uni, I open my window onto the oak filled courtyard and do a simple yoga routine. It calms me, it gives me the time to be mindful of my body, and to work it gently, kindly, beneficially.

There is no inspiration porn here, but someone trying to figure out what #thisgirlcan and I love that I’m able to do something good for, and with, my body.

Do we choose to fall in love, or does it stumble across us?

Do we find The One, the holy grail, like treasure at the end of some Life Quest? Does love stumble across us? Catching us off guard, do we succumb to it? Or is it that we choose to fall in love, having made a conscious decision to leave ourselves open to it?

A friend of mine recently posted a fascinating article from the New York Times about an experiment by psychologist Arthur Aron who succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in his laboratory. It got me thinking.

I have loved men. I have loved men and lost men. I have loved men and pushed them away. I have walked a path with a person dear to me, then decided to part company; deciding I did not want to walk my whole life with them, having realised I did not choose them.

I do not date. I find the contrivance absurdly awkward and painful. I cannot conceive how it could be socially or emotionally beneficial. I have called very few people ‘my boyfriend.’ In fact, I can count them on one hand. I am however, in favour of courtship. I would like to be courted. I like to be courted. To spend time together, to do things, to learn a person, to do things for each other. But where does this differ from friendship? In the modern day, how does such a courtship differ from mateship?

Contrary to the initial perceptions most people have of me, I am not naturally a social person. I am comfortable in my own company, and cautious to trust someone with the details of life required for sound friendships.

However, when I travel, I take a leap of faith. Choosing to become more open to the world, I seem to be able to make good friendships more easily, and to fall in love. Indeed, I have loved deeply and freely, in ways I seem unable to at home. I loved a boy in Tibet, and another in Switzerland. Why is it that I will not give my soul so freely at home? Why is it that I close off my heart?

I loved a boy in Switzerland and saw love everywhere

I loved a boy in Switzerland and saw love everywhere

I am not a fan of fickle affection in this regard. Casual flings are one thing, but to pretend a relationship is something other than it is, frustrates me deeply. I cannot abide the actions of one who wanders easily between partners.

If we are to simply wander the planet in search of the perfect soul to share life with, it seems we are likely to search forever; or that the perfect soul will have settled down with someone else already. And I cannot conceive how a person expects to begin an lifelong relationship by breaking up a prior commitment. How can one build the trust that is required for such a commitment, the trust required to grow together for the rest of your lives?

But when love stumbles across us, how are we to know that a match is sound? How do we know if the match is worth the investment, that love is worth the commitment?

Perhaps we are best served by choosing a partner and choosing to fall in love with them. Choosing to make the commitment, to invest in love. This option is a conscious one in which you need to commit yourself whole heartedly. In order to be honest and true, you need to blinker yourself from the possibility of the ‘perfect soul,’ and dedicate yourself to building a wonderful life with the person you chose. I think there could be something powerful in that, something empowering. Do you think so?